Saturday, October 27, 2001

Hey,
I hate to introduce myself. Okay, how do I describe myself instead of using corny introduction crap? Oh, okay. I'm a 20 years old girl with "eight eyes of a spider"; this is my saying based on my learning of other people's perspective on life and the surrounding around life. Scary, huh? It interests me to see how people think differently on things. To begin with, I have decided to have this blog to be based (not all of it, just bit in ahead of time) on the awful truths inside all of us. I have written hundred of essays about my life, childhood, friends, and enemies. I am trying to find the courage to print them. I wrote them with no intention of reading them months or even years from the day I wrote these essays. I just knew that I needed them to be printed instead of sitting in a box. It's funny that a notebook full of blank pages that goes on and on is just worth dirty 75 cents and bits of pocket lint. I said to myself "75 cents? Not bad...I could put all my hopes in this 75 cent notebook and turn it into a pricey $750,000 worth of printing books and I'll earn 3/4 of it." No shit.
There is such power in words...and even more in silence. The rule I have kept since I was 7 was "Do not tell the truths. Any of awful and wrenching truths." Today, I am convinced that of the many damaging things that happened to me, this was the worst. Shame surrounds silence, infecting the already wounded part. This is really how we live. (sighs) I kinda wish that I took art class in high school, art can be so expressive from the awful truths of our own. I'm trying to do it better than staring at a depressing painting that represents the awful truth in a spacey art gallery. I'm going to writing it out loud! goddamnit!