Sunday, October 28, 2001

Hey,
Today was a crazy day for my best friend. She was devastated by the fact that her boyfriend has no sense of love that he can show to her. She is really devoted to her boyfriend of 11 months; she loves him from the bottom of her heart. I am disappointed in her boyfriend since I have tried to convince him to treat his girl with lots of love, and treat her with roses, hugs, presents and especially take her out to dinner and a movie. Can you believe that?! 11 months with no treats for his girl who is my dear own best friend. I have seen her work like a dog to get the best thing for her boyfriend such as a new skateboard, shoes, and stuff like that, and woke up at 5:30 am to pick him up on the way to school. He NEVER has given anything to her or a payback to her for so many things that she have done for him. I asked her why and how she can tolerate with it. Her answers to my questions are a lot of her boyfriend’s excuses and twisted truths. Ahh…. I am truly tired of hearing his excuses and lies and I’m upset with that. He doesn’t realize that she is trying to help him thur bad times and good times, he is pushing her away from his lines of bad times, he doesn’t want her to be involved in anything. My best friend is best known as a strong, devoted, independent, courageous, and has sense of street smartness. I admire her for her courage and her strong attitude. I hate to see her being treated like that, I cannot be in their relationship but I hope one day that he will realize that he has a wonderful girlfriend that is living in a bowl full of his excuses, lies and twisted truths. I don’t know how my best friend can tolerate with it. I can’t imagine myself doing what she is doing.
My summary on this is that there’s no “Disney romantic” in any relationship. I know you guys are going to be “give me a break, we all know that!”

Well, I got a better way to summary this. I found a great quote and I want to share it with you.
I guess this one describes my day.

“To know that we know what we know, and that we do not know what we do not know,
that is true knowledge.” -Henry David Thoreau

Saturday, October 27, 2001

Hey,
I hate to introduce myself. Okay, how do I describe myself instead of using corny introduction crap? Oh, okay. I'm a 20 years old girl with "eight eyes of a spider"; this is my saying based on my learning of other people's perspective on life and the surrounding around life. Scary, huh? It interests me to see how people think differently on things. To begin with, I have decided to have this blog to be based (not all of it, just bit in ahead of time) on the awful truths inside all of us. I have written hundred of essays about my life, childhood, friends, and enemies. I am trying to find the courage to print them. I wrote them with no intention of reading them months or even years from the day I wrote these essays. I just knew that I needed them to be printed instead of sitting in a box. It's funny that a notebook full of blank pages that goes on and on is just worth dirty 75 cents and bits of pocket lint. I said to myself "75 cents? Not bad...I could put all my hopes in this 75 cent notebook and turn it into a pricey $750,000 worth of printing books and I'll earn 3/4 of it." No shit.
There is such power in words...and even more in silence. The rule I have kept since I was 7 was "Do not tell the truths. Any of awful and wrenching truths." Today, I am convinced that of the many damaging things that happened to me, this was the worst. Shame surrounds silence, infecting the already wounded part. This is really how we live. (sighs) I kinda wish that I took art class in high school, art can be so expressive from the awful truths of our own. I'm trying to do it better than staring at a depressing painting that represents the awful truth in a spacey art gallery. I'm going to writing it out loud! goddamnit!